We've all seen them - and heard them approaching with those exhausts - and we tut, our eyes roll back in our heads, and we snigger as we see fast approaching us in our rear view mirror a misguided teenager displaying their 'artistic talent'. And we all think, "what have they done this time?"
You may have guessed I'm talking about modified motors.
But I don't mean your common Vauxhall Corsa or Ford Fiesta make-over.
I'm talking about cars with original £30-40,000 price tags.
Real old-school luxury performance cars like the E36 BMW M3, Mercedes Benz 16V Cosworth, Lexuses (or should that be Lexi, Alan?), Alfa Romeo GTVs and even Porsche Boxsters - models that (previously) held a little prestige and exclusivity.
But oh how they're falling from grace. These are cars that should be left to age like wine, gracefully, without interference.
But all that is changing - and it happens to all the great ones eventually. What started out as an exclusive, new, respected and out of reach car to everyone but the well healed and those who have generous company bosses, trickles down the depreciation ladder, and ends up as a butchered, bastardised and mostly ruined victim.
Example: An E36 BMW M3 of 1994 would have set back the informed enthusiast the thick end of £33k - without options.
Today, that same car, with a good 120k miles, scratched and dented body work and little service history, can be found for a measly £3-4k. Crikey!
Perfect, thinks the over enthusiastic boy-racer - why bother buying and 'moding' that image-less, scruffy old 1.0-litre Vauxhall Corsa, when there's a 286bhp rear wheel drive performance icon as their new canvass?
And that's where the trouble begins.
This once perfect piece of automotive engineering now falls into the completely wrong hands. Running costs don't even enter their tiny minds as they'll get 'their mate' to look it over once a year, perhaps. Chavs; please remember, a car that cost £40k to buy means £40k running costs - sorry chaps. Do you think that Kelly Holmes washed down a Dr Pepper before a run? These are cars which cannot afford, and were never designed to be neglected or ran on budget juice and 'that'll do' parts. First to go are the wheels - expensive 17-inch originals are E-bayed for ugly, ride-destroying 20-inch monsters, or 'spinners', wearing Ukrainian re-mould tyres. Next to go are the exterior light clusters, on go those oh-so-common, tacky, cheap looking 'Lexus lights'. Next up, the sound system stickers and road-vision reducing windscreen visors. Then, the offensive, badly fitted, ugly and poorly sprayed body kit. Out comes the perfectly respectable original stereo and speakers, to be replaced by a hideously expensive head unit (usually worth more than the car itself) displaying brash dolphin-jumping graphics and an ear bleeding 'bass box'. Then, picnic table sized rear spoilers, blue neon lights (probably to deter flies) wheel arch scrapping lowered suspension, noisy baked-bean tin exhaust pipes, flame effect bonnet stickers... I'm afraid the list is never ending. And the end result? A crude mishmash of a once respectable machine that we just can't help feeling very sorry for - they just look ridiculous. Of course, their 'motas' or 'rides' proudly displayed in soft porn magazines such as Max Power and Revs' only reinforces their blind belief that what they have created should be celebrated and shared with the nation - or maybe it's the thought of semi-naked women with orange skin called 'Jodie' being draped across their 'bad-boy' bonnets, usually in a supermarket car park. Unfortunately, nobody's bothered telling them that spending £10-15k on 'wicked mods' is a futile exercise, and they'll never get back that money come resale time... well would you buy one?
No comments:
Post a Comment